Lawyers and judges might be educated, but that doesn’t stop them being stupid in court sometimes. In this excerpt from Disorder in the Court, transcripts from actual cases prove how our legal eagles and their star witnesses often trip over their own words.
A: I remember my father-in-law calling me once and saying that Estelle was disoriented.
Q: That was prior to his death?
A: Well, it had to be, if he called me.
Q: That was prior-
A: Or it was a mighty long-distance call.
Court: What is your occupation?
Defendant: I’m a thief.
Court: And how do you get along when you are not working at your usual occupation?
Defendant: I’m usually in prison.
Q: As an officer of the Dodge City Police department, did you stop an automobile bearing Kansas licence plates SCR446?
A: Yes, sir
Q: Was the vehicle occupied at the time you stopped it?
Q: Have you ever tried to commit suicide?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Were you ever successful?
A: No, sir.
Q: And what did you see when [the accused] pulled down his pants?
A: It looked like a penis, only smaller.
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be 3 months Nov. 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was Aug. 8?
A: Yes
Q: What were you and your husband doing at the time?
Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluded restraints on her not to, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Mr Brooks: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
Judge: Any suggestions of what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder?
A: The victim lived.
Q: Can you describe that individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?
Q: Did he ever kill you before?
A: Pardon me.
Court: To the charge of driving while intoxicated, how do you plead?
Defendant: Drunk.
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